A collection of funny cat quotes from many different authors submitted for your perusal. I’ve seen some of these on t shirts, mugs, and even mouse pads (but I got most of them from books).
“The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.”-Anonymous
“Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.”-Oliver Herford
“The cat is domestic only as far as suits its own ends.”
-H. H. Munro
“I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”-Hippolyte Tain
“An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five-year-old.”-Carl Van
“After scolding one’s cat, one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”-Charlotte Gray
“Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place.”-Paul Gray
“Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet’s, pee on your owner.”-Gary Smith
“The cat seldom interferes with other people’s rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life.”-Carl V. Vechten
“Her function is to sit and be admired.”-Georgina S. Gates
“Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.”-Missy Dizick
“No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.”-Leo Divorken
“Every life should have nine cats.”-Anonymous
“My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her.”-Colette
“Dogs have owners; cats have staff.”-Anonymous
“Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.”-Anonymous
“It’s very hard to be polite if you’re a cat.”-Anonymous
“Cats are absolute individuals, with their own ideas about everything, including the people they own.”-John Dingman
“There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.”-Anonymous
“Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.”-Jim Davis
“Dogs are eternally grateful that humans exist; cats, however, are simply mildly appreciative!”-Carl Brizzi
“A cat’s hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other.”-Stephen Baker
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”-Anonymous
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”-Mary Bly
“Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren’t like this. A dog’s idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish.”-James Gorman
“Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives.”-Stephen Baker
“Kitten: A small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two.”-Anonymous
“I found out my cat was embezzling from me. You think you know a cat for ten years, he pulls something like this.”-Steve Martin
“The trouble with a kitten isTHATEventually it becomes aCAT.”-Ogden Nash, The Face is Familiar (1941). The Kitten
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